Alcoholic. Not the best. Definitely not the worst.

So I’m going to attempt to tell you about me starting with the A word, ALCOHOLIC. I’m also going to try and tell you about it without talking about bipolar just yet. Also sorry for shitty grammar, I went to ITT Tech and they’re closed now.

I, for my whole life remember everything that could be celebrated having alcohol in it. Kids birthdays (not the kids drinking), overspending on Jesus’s birthday, getting fat on national fuck the indigenous people day and anything that involved anything happy. THERE WAS BOOZE.

The 1st time ever had a drink was around 10 years old. Thanksgiving or Christmas I believe (see booze on holidays) it was a hot buttered rum which was my grandpa’s specialty. I asked what it was and my mom got me one.

Fucking nasty. Although today I’d drink it if I could. That thing had to have had 2 whole shots in it. That’s not even am exaggeration since I now know what a stiff drink is.

Enter in me at 14 years old. Wine coolers for camping. My mother thought 14 year old’s needed alcohol for camping so every camping trip I would get a 4 pack of strawberry daiquiri from Bartles and James.

19 I move out and I’m living with my 1st bf. They are all addicts and alcoholics so my time was spent drinking and getting stoned. It wasn’t a bad time for the most part but that’s what we all think when we’re fucked up.

21-23 I’m single and a partier. Stay up late go to work crunchy and gross but I had a job.

ENTER THE RING J!

The biggest most regrettable decision in my life. More regrettable than getting caught stealing or getting my dui. This single individual is straw that broke my back and ignited my alcoholism and my bipolar (we’ll talk about that later).

I was a heavy drinker until this man. He was manipulative, hurtful, lazy, malicious, verbally abusive, emotionally abusive and one day it turned physically abusive. I stole money for that person, I wasted my credit, my life, my heart and soul.

Well I got out of that thankfully but I moved on to be that same fucking person.

That poor man. For the most part I was good. But I was bipolar undiagnosed. He paid for everything and didn’t ask for anything in return and I guess I thought we had problems and wanted to talk about them all the time and he was sick of it. Not to mention I became physical. God I’m so ashamed of myself to this day but we’re working on it.

So he rightfully got rid of me and I moved back in with parents at 30 years old.

2 years later I got pulled over in this car I got for my birthday (I didn’t need a fucking car) I blew a .286. That’s right almost 30% of my blood was alcohol. BEST FUCKING DAY OF MY LIFE! Don’t worry I didn’t kill anyone or damage anything and as a matter of fact I was lucid and the cop put that down on my paperwork. You should’ve seen his face when he got the breath test result 🤤

So 2 years later I’m 34 almost to my 2 year sobriety mark, going to get married in June and I’m bipolar.

Thanks for reading if you did. It was a lot of bullshit to wade through and I probably would’ve wrote more but I don’t have a computer, just a cellphone. Yeah I texted all that 😎

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